"I wonder if I've been changed in the night?" Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that 's the great puzzle!" -
Alice, from Adventures of Alice in Wonderland
The REAL
I have not been to the Middle East or even southern hemisphere East ever. I have been to Japan. So this will be like Alice, traveling down the rabbit hole. I am going to the opposite side of the world both physically and psychologically. For a very open and liberal female it will be a challenge yet liberating. I will discover things about a different way to be. I am not disillusioned but understand that my ego might be challenged. My privilege will be re-examined.
The SURREAL
I cannot remember the last time I did something so different. I could not imagine what it would be like to go on such an adventure that you lose yourself in the landscape and the enigma of the opposite world. I think the last time I was profoundly moved by surreal anticipation was when I left home for he first time as an adult. I left home at eighteen to go to school.
This adventure is very different than the young person exploring their independence for the first time. This is about crossing a threshold into a new domain. While I am physically traveling to another land, I am also crossing a new terrain internally. I am alone in a foreign country. I don't think it is some sort of test, yet on another level maybe I know myself enough that I can finally enjoy that independence. Maybe it took me this long to understand what independence was and to feel empowered by it. I am falling up and down at the same time. I am traveling into a hole dug by my own greatest desire. The desire to evolve which means to make another step in the process of being.
Why the Middle East? This is the mystery of it. The white rabbit. In the Matrix, Neo received a message from his computer, "Follow the White Rabbit." I too received a message from the computer or the person sending of course. Yet this entire hiring process has been virtual. Which is another part of the adventure that is very mysterious and exciting. How much value do I give to the virtual. I think it is worthy medium as many have made their livelihoods upon it and through it. The East has always been alluring to me. And in history it has always held serious mystery for a Westerner. I suppose it is the eternal other that prompts us forward.
I do not know everything about this next phase. I only feel the pulsing rhythms of starting something new. I feel curious and open. I am ready to experience something totally different than me. Maybe I am going to a place so opposite of who I am to see myself more clearly. I would like to think I am being pulled by my own desire to change the world, and not just myself.
I don't want to change the world, but more be involved in it or contributing back some of the blessing I have received. My challenge is to only be there. I believe that my service will include just being present in my inner freedom. This inner freedom was granted by the forces and people around me who believe in adventure, beauty and the talent of each individual. This is no small treasure, especially for a female.
My goal is to express Zen. That is my only concern is to be fully present in my Koriness. I am not here to convert or change a Muslim to a liberal westerner. I am here to work(more like a sinking into) at being myself deeply and authentically in each moment. I hope by just being present in my athletic, feminine and spiritual self that I will communicate non verbally the bliss of being here. It sounds good right, but in reality I am not sure it is going to be so easy. There are plenty of Wicked Queens who would love to have my head. I would say it is more like Kings and those of the male persuasion that will not like the female westerner. So be it, there is always something.
There is only energy moving. How will I shape this energy is the question and the anticipation is very surreal. It is only two weeks before my forty-second birthday. I still feel the thrill of adventure breathing through my veins. I am lucky. I am embarking on another adventure. I am leaving in two days for Saudi Arabia to teach English to female freshmen at Nora University. I am going for one year. I will be working for a British based Saudi Company. I will have to cover most of my body including my head in public. I will most likely wear an abaya in public when I go shopping in Riyadh out of respect for their culture. I will live on a international secured compound. This is like our condo communities that have gates. So within here I will have pools, gyms and the freedom to wear what I want. They pay for all my living expenses, so I should be able to save some money.
